...Somewhere Near Westlake!

Of e-Readers and Starving Solmalians...

2009-02-22T11:19:00.007-06:00

This entry is basically a re-print of a comment I made in response to another guy's review of the new Amazon Kindle 2. I've tailored it a little bit to stand on it's own here in my blog.

My gut - having read the review - is that the author is making a larger statement about the marketing hype than about the actual utility of the device. It’s clear he isn’t into e-readers.

I landed on his site as part of my research to determine if I would switch over from Sony to Kindle.

I think he's missing the point. The main draw of these devices is really 2 things:

1. The portability. This is a huge win for those of us who travel frequently.

2. The screen. It has the contrast of news print w/o any backlighting. Much easier on they eyes than an LCD.

Taken together, it makes complete sense that we (travelers) are going to buy one or the other of these devices - even at the high price-point, bad economy or no.

I’m in agreement that it’s not a world-changer. No starving Somalians are to be helped here. That said, it makes sense to think about these kinds of items in a broader context.

The e-readers are in their infancy. There will come a time when there are no magazines and no books printed on paper. There will come a time when we do our reading in ways we haven’t even yet begun to fathom.

It will still be reading.

Of course you aren’t going to see these devices on subways, trains and busses just yet. But you are starting to see them on airplanes. It just a matter of time before they are commodotized (sp?) and will be as ubiquitous as the books and magazines they are meant to replace.

As for me, I'm still on the fence. I don't know if I'm going to make the switch over to Kindle yet or not. It remains to be seen.

And there you have it. I have spoken on this matter and your lives have been enriched. Go forth and prosper.

I'm back

2009-01-30T21:05:00.003-06:00

Okay... I've been away entirely too long. I'm a way-non-attendant blogger. Just don't have much to say lately. Even when I have something to say, it's not usually like I'm really saying anything per se...

Work has gotten weird. My latest project is based in Japan and so sleep this week is caught in little snatches of 2 or 3 hrs.

I just said "snatches".

The main outcome of sleeping in this fashion is that I perpertually feel like I'm in a foggy twilight zone.

Anyway - we'll give it another try.

You can't pick up chicks in business class...

2008-02-13T22:51:00.003-06:00

It's true. You can't. Business class invariably is populated by either chubby old dudes, chubby old chicks or families.

It sucks because there you are... sitting in biz class... seated prior to all the poor bastards who have to sit in cattle class feeling superior as you sip your orange juice and look up your nose at them as they file past you... looks of despair, envy, or in some cases - faked apathy... and then you see her.

She's young... beautiful... She radiates vibrant energy and complete confidence as she puts her hand on the seat to stabilize herself as the line comes to a halt. Your eyes meet... and there is a common understanding. It's as if you are speaking though no words are spoken...

"Hey there... wow... look at you..."
"Yeah.. I can see you are looking at me... could you please roll up your tongue and put it back in your mouth?"
"Oh... was I doing that in real life? Sorry... didn't mean to offend..."
"Yeah.. no.. it's okay... I get that alot when I pass through business class..."
"Oh... just passing through? I was hoping maybe you were going to be sitting here in 15B."
"Oh silly... don't you know? You can't pick up chicks in Business Class!", she laughs...
"Yeah... well.. I mean I knew that... was even thinking about writing about it now that you mention it... but yeah...was hoping you were gonna sit here..."
"Aww... Well listen, I'm back in Coach. That's where we all sit... you wanna pick us up, you gotta sit back there!"
"No shit... I'll keep that in mind."

And with that, the line starts moving again and she moves past me into oblivion...

Make David Rich

2008-01-25T11:31:00.000-06:00

Ok facebook. I'm really starting to get a little bit pissed! I'm not sure what else I'm supposed to do here. I've created the group "Make David Rich" I've setup my paypal account. I've invited all my friends.

WHERE'S THE CASH!?

I logged on to paypal today to check it out and there hasn't been a single donation to my worthy cause. And no.. I don't want to hear anything from all you whiners about how I should get a job. I've got a job and one that pays pretty damn well too! The only problem is, it's not enough to MAKE DAVID RICH and that's just not gonna fly anymore.

So here's what I want you to do.

1. Go to facebook and join the group "Make David Rich".

2. Join in the lively discussion in the forum. State your opinions. Don't be afraid to opine. But in the end swing on back around to my viewpoint.

3. Dig deep and pull out 50 cents or 20 bucks or what-have-you and give it to me via my paypal account.

It's kinda like sex. It's easy, it feels good, and after it's all over you wonder where all your money went!

Dear Penthouse Forum

2007-07-05T22:28:00.001-05:00

“Dear Penthouse Forum,

I never thought it would happen to me, and now that it still hasn’t, I thought I simply just HAD to write to tell you all about what it wasn’t…”

Perhaps the letter I would have written if really HAD happened. Of course.. it didn’t…

Tonight the kids and I went and ate at the Fuddrucker’s over in Brody Oaks Plaza. This is one of the many places I worked at when I was a teenager and is, therefore, one of the many places I was fired from. Of course, the kids were only slightly less bored by this fact than they were by the Great American Hotdog Eating Contest which was showing on the multiple televisions arrayed strategically around the dining room. There’s no fucking way you aren’t gonna watch TV at Fuddrucker’s. They’ve made certain of that.

As we were leaving, I drove around the back of the shopping center. That’s when I remembered her.

I don’t remember her name, but I do remember her beautiful brown hair… her dark eyes… the downy softness of her moustache.

That’s right. She had a moustache and had not figured out that the dark hair over the upper lip was reminiscent of Freddy Mercury and none too attractive. And yet, to me, she was beautiful…

“My sister is in Penthouse.” She said it as if it were a challenge. We were hanging out in the wooded area just behind the shopping center. We were on our lunch break and were both decked out in our white jeans and white Fuddrucker’s shirts. It was the uniform du jour for Fuddrucker’s – the upscale burger joint we both worked at.

“Oh yeah?” I replied. I wasn’t sure what to do with that information in the same way I wasn’t sure what to do with this girl who was hanging out in the woods with me.

“Yeah… she didn’t get the centerfold or anything but she’s in there. You should check it out… she’s really pretty.”

“Uh… yeah.. okay… sure…” What was I supposed to say to that? I was 16, looked all of about 12 and the only way I had ever gotten my hands on a dirty magazine was either by finding them in dumpsters or by digging them out from under my father’s friend’s closet when we were visiting his house. I sure as hell wasn’t going to be able to just pick up a copy of her naked sister on display at the nearest 7-11!

“You ever been with a girl?” she asked.

“Uh… well.. I mean… I’m with you right now!”

“No dumbass… I mean… have you ever been WITH a girl? I mean… have you ever… you know… gotten laid?”

“Ohhhh… “ I said it as if it spoke for itself. Of course, I never had. I’d never even been close. The most I’d ever done w/a girl at that point was to kiss my mother’s friend’s daughter on the lips when we were about 8. After that everything kind of came to a stop.

“So have you? I bet you haven’t… I bet you’re still a virgin.”

“Uhh well.. I mean… yeah… well I mean.. no… I mean.. yeah… I’m still a virgin. I guess.”

“You guess. You’ve either done it or you haven’t done it. It’s not an ‘I guess’ kind of thing.” Her tone was mean. I was the smallest thing in the world at that moment.

“Well I mean… yeah.. I’m a virgin… okay? I’ve never done it with anyone. What about you? Have you?”

“Duh! Of course I have! Who hasn’t done it?” I was surprised by this. As far as I knew none of my friends had done it. The fact that she had seemed completely out of place to me.

“Oh yeah? Who did you do it with?” I asked this, not realizing I might not want to know the answer. I asked it, not knowing she might not want to tell me. In any case, I wasn’t prepared for what followed.

She shouted, “I don’t want to talk about it okay!”, and then got up and ran up the short hill to the road behind the shopping center. When I caught up to her, she was crying and wouldn’t speak to me. We walked most of the way back to the restaurant in silence. Then, as we got near the back door she turned to me and said, “You tell anyone and I’ll hunt you down and kill you. I’ll cut your head off and shit down your neck. You fucking tell anyone and I’ll make you wish you were dead!”

I kind of wished I was anyway. “Hey look I’m sorry… what did I say? I just asked who you did it with? Is that so bad? Hey listen.. stop crying okay? I’m not gonna tell anyone… I promise… It’ll be our secret. I swear…” She looked me up and down and then slowly nodded her head.

“We gotta back in now. You’d better not tell anyone. I got enough problems without you telling anyone.” I figured it must be so to get such a reaction out of her. I figured I’d wait until later to discuss the moustache with her.

わたくしはにほんごおはなひます

2006-10-07T15:16:00.000-05:00

ほんとづす。

So this is my first blog post containing some of the very little Japanese I know. I am sticking to hiragana (ひらがな）because I was finding it simply too difficult to learn the kanji and learn to speak at the same time.

If you don't see the JP characters, you'll need to install JP language support on your system.

You may want to learn to read/write Japanese yourself, as I intend to write some of my blogs in this language as I learn more.

Thoughts about Thinking

2006-10-07T01:11:00.000-05:00

I was sitting at the cafe at the hotel I stay at in Penang, working through some simple math exercises from a book I purchased for the purpose of brushing up on my math skills. It occurs to me that if I'm to help my children with their math, I'm going to need to know it myself.

While I was working through the exercises, I began visualizing an interaction w/my son in which he was working through the problems faster then me and understanding the concepts better then me. I pictured this raw intelligence, filled with potential and yet ill-equipped to handle life on life's terms, given his lack of experience.

This process set me to thinking about about the difference between a child's mind and an adult's mind.

It seems as I get older, my tendency to calculate answers to various questions decreases and my tendency to rely on experience as my guide increases. This makes sense. I have built 39 years of experiences from which to draw conclusions about the world around me. A child is bare of many of these experiences. His mind must make calculations about the world around him since in many cases the inputs and circumstances are new to him.

Perhaps there is some line between the "calculating" mind of a younger person and the "experiential" mind of an older person. It seems that the natural progression is for the calculating mind to make a shift toward the experiential mind as one's body of experiences grows. Perhaps, there is a benefit in this - One's ability to make the correct decision quickly in any given set of circumstances is enhanced if all one has to do is draw on memories of previous cause and effect, and act accordingly. If one had to calculate the cause and effect each time one was faced w/a given scenario two things might happen: Firstly, one might come to a "correct" conclusion in some cases, and an "incorrect" conclusion in other cases. Secondly, even if one were always correct, the calculation takes time and decisions to act would be made more slowly.

On the otherhand, there's something to be said for holding on to one's ability to calculate. If my experience shows anything at all, it's that I can't always trust my conclusions about previous experiences. Life is not so black and white as to ensure a similar outcome each and every time one is faced with what appear to be similar inputs and circumstances. It remains important to be able to examine a situation, determine if anything about it is new (relative to previous similar experiences) and then make adjustments to one's response if necessary. These, in a sense, are the same calculations the child's calculating mind are making all the time.

The tendency is for adults is to turn more and more toward the experiential thought-process as they grow older. This is probably fine, depending on an individual's body of experience and ability to retain memories. But brings up the question of what happens once one begins to lose his ability to remember. Does the mind begin again to rely more heavily on calculation? Perhaps so, though it's a losing battle given the fact that the calculations themselves must be based on some fundamental set of facts, the size of which is constantly decreasing as the mind deteriorates.

So, my little act of trying to refresh myself on elementary math has yielded an entirely new line of thought (at least for me). I have no idea if my conclusions have any merit, and I'm not sure it matters, in any event...

Update - No Reason For Concern

2006-09-10T14:06:00.000-05:00

The video I linked to in my recent post, No Reason For Concern, no longer appears to be available for free at www.lauramansfield.com. Sure, you could pay her subscription fee, but why?

I was all set to go find it somewhere else but I don't have the time or energy to fuck with it now.

Maybe that's why.

No Reason For Concern

2006-09-02T23:20:00.000-05:00

Here's a link to the most recent tape put out by your favorite neighborhood Islamists - Al Qaeda!

The video is long... but it's worth the listen. It starts with Ayman al-Zawahiri blathering on in Arabic w/English sub-titles. It gets interesting when he turns it over to his American buddy, Adam Gadahn, better known as "Azzam the American". He's apparently starred in some previous Al Qaeda features.

Don't be daunted as he starts off with a prayer in Arabic. Once he concludes the prayer, he actually delivers an interesting, intelligent and well-thought-out explanation of why we should all join Islam.

It's easy to dismiss this plea as the ravings of a fanatical fundamentalist. To be certain, it is much more. It is at once a classic piece of war-time propoganda, and at the same time a clear example, provided in English, of why Americans should not limit our concern to Islamist terrorism and terrorist attacks but should perhaps be more concerned about the belief system that drives Islamic thought and Islamist terrorism in the first place.

Are you done listening yet? Did you listen to the whole thing? If so, now go on to read my own ravings.

I suspect many American Muslims would cry out that this man does not represent their beliefs. I believe, however, that most Muslims would be hard-pressed to disagree with Gadahn's point of view. I have yet to have a serious conversation with a Muslim that didn't in some way refer to the superiority of Islam and which didn't include their unwavering certainty that Islam represents the only valid way to live life. And while they may or may not feel compelled to destroy me as an infidel, I'm a firm believer they have been every bit as concerned that I think and believe as they do, as this is a fundamental tenent of Islam.

Of course, one might make the same comment about fundamentalist Cristianity. While I personally find it to be distasteful, I am not threatened by it. Sure... plenty of Christians are worried about my etneral soul and it's place in Heaven or Hell. Yet, these people - even in their passive or active attempts to bring me to their version of the Light - do not appear to believe it is part of their charter to destroy me in this life. Rather, they are content in their certainty (arrogant to be sure) that they will reap the rewards of Heaven, even as I travel down a sure road to eternal misery.

Nor do Christians (for the most part) believe that the laws of the State should be dictated by the laws of their religion. I accept, as every American must, that our laws are guided by Judeo-Christian principals. But we also have embedded into our psyche a firm belief that our religous laws and our civil laws should remain seperate.

In his talk Gadahn makes it clear that Islam ignores this separation. Islam does not make national distinctions, and it is for this reason that all people who consider themselves to be "American" or "Canadian" or "British" or any other nationality should be concerned. There is a growing number of people in the world who believe these national identities are meaningless; that there is only one identity; that there is only one way to live.

In short, the fundamentalist interpretation of Islam presents a full-frontal attack on the most basic idea of our civilization, namely that we are American first, and everything else second.

It would be fine if this interpretation were limited to a small subset of the whole, but I don't believe this to be the case. The range of difference between "middle of the road" Islam and fundamentalist Islam is very small. This perspective is the basis of my concern. I fear Americans in particular, and westerners in general will be dismissive of the vocal, demonstrative few without realizing how similar they may be, in spirit, to the quiet many. We should not be mislead to think they will not wish to be heard soon.

When they do speak out, we will have difficult choices to make. There will come a time when Americans will be forced to make decisions which go to the very core of our national identity, for we are a nation of individuals from various cultures, religions and ethnicities. Our diversity is the very fabric of our American soul and is the core of our strength.

It was not always so. I'm certain our founding fathers weren't so different from each other and probably weren't so different from the country they revolted against.

But we have become a nation which is defined by diversity. Without it, we have no basis of existence. We are a nation that defines itself in terms of secular laws which bind together people as different from one another as night and day.

We must ask ourselves the question that may have no good answer. How will we defend ourselves without losing our national identity in the process? I don't pretend to know the answer, but I'm certain it won't be pretty. I find myself fighting notions which harken to the very insanity that killed so many of "my people" in Nazi Germany. Of course this is madness. If we Americans ever participate in such a campaign we will have lost any right to continue as Americans. On the otherhand, if we don't figure out a solution we may well find ourselves surrounded by a world of people who are content to help us on our way to our eternal misery.

What is happening to me?

2006-08-19T15:17:00.000-05:00

I got this list off another blog I was randomly looking through...

Memos from your child

1. Don't spoil me. I know quite well that i ought not to have all i ask for. I'm testing you.

2. Don't be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it; it makes me feel more secure.

3. Don't let me form bad habits. I have to rely on you to detect them in the early stages.

4. Don't make me feel smaller than i am. It only makes me behave stupidly big.

5. Don't correct me in front of people if you can help it. I'll take much more notice if you talk quietly with me in private.

6. Don't protect me from consequences. I need to learn the painful way sometimes.

7. Don't nag. If you do, i shall have to protect myself by appearing deaf.

8. Don't make rash promises. Remember that i feel badly let down when promises are broken.

9. Don't be inconsistent. That completely confuses me and makes me lose faith in you.

10. Don't tell me my fears are silly. They are terribly real and you can do much to reassure me if you try to understand.

11. Don't put me off when i ask questions. If you do you will find that i stop asking and seek my information elsewhere.

12. Don't ever suggest that you are perfect or infallible. It gives me too great a shock when i discover you are neither.

13. Don't ever think it is beneath your dignity to apologize to me. An honest apology makes me feel surprisingly warm toward you.

14. Don't forget how quickly i am growing up. It must be very difficult for you to keep pace with me, but please try.

Walking in India

2006-07-12T01:36:00.000-05:00

If you ever get the chance to travel internationally, don't miss the unique opportunity to walk among the people in that new place. If, after taking this walk you don't come away with a different view of the people in that place, then you've either been there before, or you weren't paying attention. Sure... You'll see alot from the hotel car or the taxi cab. But you can't really know it until you've walked in it.

My impression of India before arriving was that it was overcrowded and dirty and filled with poverty-stricken, hungry people. I've never been here before but I do have a television...

Yesterday I decided to walk the 1 - 2 miles between my office in Bangalore, India and the hotel I'm staying at. Don't get me wrong... 1 - 2 miles between a hotel and an office building in Bangalore India doesn't make me an expert or anything close to it, and yet even this tiny experience has made an impact on my perceptions.

Walking in India

When a person is hungry they get a certain look in their eye. It's an intense, penetrating look conveying single-minded focus. It may be accompanied by a smile. It may not be. It doesn't matter. If you are paying attention, you can't help but wonder if the person looking at you is thinking he might like to eat you.

In India, you see this look alot. There is no hiding from it here. If you venture outside, (and you will have to go outside, after all) you will be surrounded by it, even in a city like Bangalore which, by Indian standards is doing well.

*** Time Warp ***

Okay... so I started writing that one and then stopped because I didn't have any energy to finish it (walking in India can do that to a person...) At this point, I really don't remember enough detail to actually finish it with any integrity at all. I figure I'll just wait until the next trip to India to finish it off.

Cheesy Girl Bands

2006-02-22T20:50:00.000-06:00

One interesting aspect of travel in Asia is the apparent proliferation of very specific form of musical entertainment which I shall refer to as "Cheesy Girl Bands" or CGB's for purposes of this essay.

This is somewhat of a misnomer because at the heart of every CGB is a male seated behind a slew of keyboards, drum machines,mixers and a microphone. The rest of the typical CGB consists of 3 female vocalists dressed identically in outfits designed to maintain a suitable level of focus from the audience, which is almost entirely male.

CGB's are also characterized by some other common traits:

1. They cover everything from country to disco to current pop.

2. They alternate lead singer between each song. The lead singer rotates to the center of the trio and takes her turn and then turns it over to the next one for the next song.

3. Every so often, the guy behind the keyboard gets a turn to sing a song.

4. The girls have a choreagraphed dance for each song. The choreography appears to be very similar for every song.

5. The singing is very bad. Luckily for the girls (but not necessarily for the audience), the music, not to be outdone by the singing, is worse than the singing

6. The guy behind the keyboards is not actually playing anything. He's pushing buttons to trigger pre-programmed musical tracks.

During the sets, (but after the drinking has begun in earnest) the girls will exit the stage and ask various audience members to dance in front of the stage for brief intervals. Then, at the end of each set, they do an elaborate "flourish" and jump off the stage to go talk to people in the audience.

There has been speculation among the group as to whether they are using this time to setup "external contracts". In my experience they are simply chatting up the various middle-aged business travellers as part of the overall experience:

"How are you doing?"
"How is your trip going?"
"Have you been to Penang before?"
"How long will you be here?"
"Do you have a wife?"
"Can I come back to the United States with you?"

Just kidding Tina. They've never asked me how my trip was going.

Chinese Fire Stomach

2006-02-20T02:45:00.000-06:00

Hello Everyone!

I had meant to write in another entry sooner, but my plans were thwarted by a bad case of the Chinese Fire Stomach. I know it's Chinese Fire Stomach as opposed to Malaysian Fire Stomach because I had not yet eaten anything in Malaysia when the troubles began.

I should probably back up. On Wednesday night of last week, we ate at a restaurant famous for "Hot Pot". Basically, this is 2 vats of soup (one spicy, one mild) heated in the center of the table. You then cook various meats, seafood, vegetables and eggs in the soup after it comes to a roaring boil. Let's say you've got a nice slice of schnauzer you want to consume. Just scoop it up w/your chop sticks and put it into the vat for awhile. Then, when it's done you pull it back out and eat it.

Spicy soup and mild soup. It's a relative thing. They are both spicy. But the spicy soup is VERY spicy. It's spicy beyond anything any Caucasian can possibly imagine. Think about rectangular vat of soup, about 6 inches by 18 inches covered in red peppers w/the diameter of your basic okra. These peppers have been cut up into small slices and the process of boiling them extracts the oils into the soup. Once you decide it's spicy enough (we let it boil for about 5 minutes) you then scoop out all the peppers and discard them… At this point you can start cooking.

Did I mention it's really spicy?

I ate exclusively out of the spicy soup with the exception of the shrimp balls, which got cooked in the mild soup.

All of this detail… really only one outcome: Chinese Fire Stomach.

The next day I had the worst indigestion I've every had in my life. Was it worth it? You're damned straight it was. Absolutely the best food I've every had in my life. I especially enjoyed the shrimp. These little guys are alive right up until the point you dip them into the vat. One actually hopped out of the bowl onto the table in a desperate attempt to make it to safety.

I guess I thought that would be it for the gastro-intestinal distress. I figure anything that hot would kill anything else. Unfortunately it was not to be the case. Over the next couple of days I ate literally anything and everything that came my way. I felt fine the whole time (once I was done w/the Chinese Fire Stomach). On Saturday morning I hopped on a plane bound for Penang, thinking I was free and clear. Once at the hotel, I felt a little more tired than I would have expected but I chalked it up to a day of flying and went to bed hoping to get up on Sunday to catch up on some work and maybe go out and about for a little bit.

It was not to be. I woke up on Sunday at about 7:00 a.m. with the worst diarrhea and vomiting I can ever remember. My day consisted of sleeping and purging, purgin and sleeping. I was unable to regulate my own body temp… either too hot or too cold… It was awful. I had to meet one of the Dell people at the airport at 5:00 and so I woke up and got a shower and made it without "incident" Then I went to the local clinic and got my hands on electrolytes, anti-diarrheal medication, anti-vomiting medication, anti-biotics and abdominal pain medication. The doctor admonished me to begin eating breads and porridge immediately and to drink as much water as I could because I was dehydrated to a dangerous level. She told me that if I did as she instructed I would feel fine by today.

Feeling fine is a relative thing. I feel fine if the baseline is how I felt yesterday. I'm able to keep down the food. I've not had any more "episodes". On the otherhand, I'm lethargic, I have a headache and I can't think very clearly. I don't know, but I feel like I may have lost several pounds. It really was a bad scene, but all seems to be better now.

God only knows what I ate that put me through it. None of the people from dinner on Friday night appear to have gotten sick, so I can only think it was something from the airplanes or the airports.

Anyway, that's it for now.

Live from China

2006-02-14T20:41:00.000-06:00

It's Wednesday morning here in sunny Dalian, China. I'm finally feeling adjusted to the time zone. I woke up at 4:00am this morning as opposed to the 2:30 a.m. I've been waking up every night since my arrival on Sunday.

First things first. The flight over from US to Japan was interesting. I sat next to a man who I would later come to understand is involved in the defense contracting business. He had his laptop open through much of the flight and made no attempt to conceal his work which included words like "Raytheon" and "Kim Jung Il". He and I talked about business travel and it was interesting because he literally travels all over the world developing contracts with this or that small country who might need various and sundry hardware products for various and sundry needs ranging from crowd control to domestic defense to guerilla warfare.

He seemed like a nice man. We compared notes on travel from the hotel to the office in various parts of the war. Did I say war? I meant world. I described crazed taxi bus drivers and frantic pedestrians jaywalking into certain death in Brasil and Penang. He described commuting via armored columns in Islamabad, Pakistan and Dubai. We also had a good conversation about how the US has a responsibility to help build up 3rd world countries.

China is much different than I believed it would be. I thought there would be nothing but bicycles and motor scooters piloted by people in dark jumpsuits. I imagined they'd all either be either going to or returning from cumpulsory exercises and education sessions. It is not that way at all. Basically there's a bunch of Chinese people running around, living their lives - school, work, money… My understanding is that this city is relatively well-off compared to other areas of the country. There are plenty of BMW's, Mercedes, Lexus and other expensive vehicles, as well as plenty of smaller middle-class type cars. This isn't to say there isn't poverty, but on the whole, this is a fairly standard large city - at least from the outside looking in.

It's also a dirty city. But from what people tell me, it is clean relative to either Shanghai or Beijing. In anycase, the air is very polluted given the large number of coal plants and cars. China is basically going through it's industrial revolution. I guess I shouldn't expect it to be a clean place.

No birds… okay… some birds… 2 birds… Maybe they went south for the winter? (It is pretty damn cold here) Maybe they got killed off in a massive bird-kill related to avian flu? It's hard to say. All I'm saying is - there aren't a lot of birds around here. Come to think of it - there aren't a lot of animals running around. It's of no real surprise given what I've seen in the restaraunts here. Basically, if it was once alive, there's a decent chance you can find it for sale at a restaurant or food store. They don't really even have to have been alive. In some cases they are still alive while you select them. (I have only seen live seafood at this point, but I'm given to understand you can also pick out your dog or cat in some of the finer establishments…)

There is also plenty of access to crickets, spiders, beetles, worms and other forms of creepy crawlers to delight the pallete.

In an effort to jump the cultural divide, I have made the blanket declaration to all involved that I will eat whatever is put in front of me. Last night I was encouraged to order and eat "Fried Butt" but alas, they were not serving "Fried Butt" on the "all you can eat plan" we purchased. It turns out "Fried Butt" is nothing more than fried halibut or "flatfish" as it may be called by some.

Do I have anything else to report? OH… Television. Very interesting. I'm really not sure how the People's Republic is going to keep a lid on things. They allow hotels and foreign residents access to channels like CNN world, BBC World, Bloomberg and HBO. They are more restrictive of their own citizens, who only have access to official State-run television. One of these is in English. Very interesting stuff.

Strange to say that from my new perspective in China, Penang feels like familiar territory.

The Current Picture

2005-10-31T23:31:00.000-06:00

In my last update, I closed with a hope that I'd provide a snapshot of our current financial picture. I've read a couple financial blogs lately, and I'm amazed at how many personal details people give out about their finances. I tend to be somewhat suspicous by nature and have decided it would run against my grain to provide too many details regarding our financial picture.

I think it will be a fair compromise if I use percentages to describe everything. We'll see how that works out and then adjust later on if necessary.

Before I provide even that level of detail, I will tell you a dog peed on my leg while I was waiting with my children at their school bus stop this morning.

It reminds me that unexpected things do happen. Sometimes they are bad and sometimes they are good. Perhaps this bad thing happened at the bus stop so as to balance out the good thing that happened this weekend when Tina and I had our weekly financial meeting. She finally came to the realization that we have a bad cash-flow problem. She came to this conclusion after arriving to the meeting equipped with a list of budget categories and associated numbers.

I have been asking for this for two months! I'm learning again and again that Tina and I have different perspectives on the whole timeline portion of this exercise. We are going to have to get past that in order to be successful.

In anycase, it was a very good thing she came at long last prepared to our meeting and walked away informed of our cash-flow situation.

Here's the snapshot:

But before I do, one other side note:

My daughter found a tarantula the other day. Tina bought an aquarium and some crickets (non-budgeted expenditures) . She put the spider and the crickets in there and the hideous creature went about the good work of eating all but one of them. This last little die-hard cricket has been chirping his ass of for the last 2 nights. I imagine the spider is wishing he was hungry enough to eat the last cricket. I know I wish he were.

If he doesn't eat it soon, I will.

Okay... here it is...

1. We have a list of short, medium and long term financial goals. (To be shared later)
2. A list of comittments (To be shared later)
3. A plan for the short term
4. A budget for the rest of the year (in the works)
5. A budget for 2006 (in the works)
6. Weekly meetings to discuss and adjust. We use these to review the week's spending and to plan our spending for the coming week.
7. Our tools include Quicken 2006, Excel spreadsheets, Quicken Bill Pay and Quicken Web Entry

That's it for now. Please stay tuned for more. Once I've plugged the numbers in, I'll provide a percentage-based view of our spending relative to the spending itself and to our income.

That last part may or may not mean anything intelligent.

I'll have to see after I do the math.

Change of Direction

2005-10-27T15:06:00.000-05:00

Well, after about 5 minutes of careful thought, and a heavy measure of impulsivity, I've decided to change the direction of this blog. I'm going to keep the look and feel and just move it on over to a different focus.

Previously, I limited my writing to those times when I thought I had something funny, outrageous, obnoxious or otherwise sensational to say. I've found those times to be limited, in large part by my mood. It's difficult to write anything funny when you feel homicidal.

Some of the reason I feel homicidal is because our family finances have been very undisciplined. Neither Tina nor myself grew up with any concept of how to manage money, and though we've stumbled on the "how to do it" of personal finance management for years, we've never put any of it into practice for any length of time.

Now we are back at it, and it has not been easy. We are starting with a budget, a list of goals (short term, medium term, long term) and a list of comittments. We try to have weekly meetings where we go over the spending and make adjustments to our plans.

Thus far, the going has been tough. Lot's of fighting and heavy duty emotion. It's not easy to change the habits of a lifetime. In anycase, nobody is dead yet and so we continue.

I will be changing the focus of this blog to document our efforts to get our finances under control. One of my less desireable character traits is my lack of 'sticktoitedness'. I hope updating this blog with details of the endeavors will keep me interested long enough to instill the changes we make as habits.

Stand by for more. In my next post, I hope to give a snapshot of the current picture and to provide some information regarding our next steps...

Blog Maintenance

2005-10-04T14:40:00.000-05:00

So, after having been away for a few mos, I've come back to the blog... I removed the Control Bloggers section. Kendall's blog was the only one listed and after a careful review, she seems to have corrected her control-freak tendencies, at least insofar as her blog is concerned.

I'd like to move her blog to the sexy bloggers section but she and I had such a run-in earlier that I just can't seem to bring myself to do it.

Speaking of control bloggers, I'd like to add a section for out of control bloggers. I'd put my wife's blog in their if she had one.

She's definitely out of control.

FUCKING WEEDS!

2005-04-11T17:34:00.000-05:00

It was bound to happen sooner or later.

All motorcycles go down. It happens to everyone. I think like most, I didn't really think it would happen to me.

And now, as I sit here writing this entry from a wheelchair, I realize how arrogant I was...

Ok... that was an exaggeration... I'm not sitting in a wheelchair, but I easily could be!

I have a friend who races his bike from time to time. A few days ago he and I were discussing this road where all the hotshots hang out and do their riding. "Lime Creek Road..." he explained, "is not for the timid or the newbies! Make sure you lemme know before you go out there."

I'm not timid, but I definitely qualify as a newbie and so as I was riding around yesterday afternoon I got the wild hair up my ass to go take a look for myself.

No... I didn't call him.

It's definitely not for the timid or the newbies...

This stretch of blacktop winds it's way in a series of single-laned, tight, blind curves through Volente where it ends up at Anderson Mill road. The first time, I took it nice and easy. I just eased my way around each curve and tried to get the feel of it.

It's like the first time you ever have sex with someone... you know.. you know don't really know her body... you just wanna kinda go easy and make sure there aren't any weird bumps or pot-holes or anything like that.

So anyway, I did fine the first time out, and as I came to the end, I noticed about 37 bikes all parked on the side of the road. The riders were standing there, chitty chatting and whatnot. As I went past, a couple people took off going the way I had come from.

I turned myself around and went back for another shot. This time, I noticed a couple bikes behind me. The pressure was on.

I knew I had to balance the adrenaline rush I was getting w/the fact that I just don't know how to ride curves very fast. As I approached each curve, I took a nice, slow, relaxed, deep breath and let it out.

It's like the first time you ever have sex with someone... you know... it's like you can't believe it's happening and you're afraid if you get to into it too much, too quickly, something might happen to bring it all screeching to a halt... so you try to control your breath and stay relaxed...

So anyway, I'm going around these twisties, and I can feel these guys behind me. I can tell they wanna go faster but there's no way I can push it any harder. I just don't have the skills. Finally, as we are approaching the last curve I decide to open it up a little bit more. I twist on the throttle and ease into it, only to find I'm already in the oncoming lane!

I don't remember how fast I was going in this last curve. I figure it was around 50 or 55 or something. What I do remember was thinking, "Oh shit... I gotta get out of here!" I figured an oncoming car might be just around the other side of this thing and it was gonna suck to meet it head-on.

I made the decision to head directly toward the wall in front of me rather than take the time to get back into my own lane. I figured I might just have enough time to come to a stop before hitting the wall. Basically, I was right! I was able to get the bike down to a crawl and was thinking it was all good when...

It's like when you're having sex and ...

I fell over.

My front tire dropped into a little ditch on the shoulder about 5 feet from the wall I had been trying not to hit and my bike literally just fell over w/me on it.

The guys who had been coming behind me stopped and helped me up. I had a scraped hand and torn jeans. Other than that, I was fine. The bike has a dented tank and a bent rear brake pedal..

Once the guys knew I was okay, they started talking to each other...

"Too eager... "
"Yeah... First timers... "

I thanked them and got back on the bike. It was weird. I didn't feel shaky or nervous. I guess I just felt a little embarassed. I really wanted to slink away. But something told me it was the wrong move. How was I going to maintain any self-respect if I left at that point?

It's like when you have sex with someone for the first time... sometimes it doesn't go the way you want it to. "Too eager... First timers... chuckle chuckle... snicker snicker..." If you sneak away... don't call back... don't try to make it right... it's gonna make it worse the next time... It's better to just shake it off and try again.

So, I turned the bike around, climbed back on, started it up, and headed back for another go. I took it that 3rd time w/o incident and was able to ride home knowing Lime Creek had not conquered me.

GT for the children

2005-02-23T17:46:00.000-06:00

Today at lunch we were talking about various and sundry items of disinterest. I was basically saying whatever came to my head, per usual. At one point someone asked if I envisioned myself where I am today when I was 21ish.... Answer? "nope... didn't think I'd be alive..." and that's basically the truth.

I was on a collision course w/either death or prison and at that point I really didn't see a way past either one. It didn't matter how smart I was, I just couldn't seem to make choices that moved me in a better direction.

I think about my children and wonder what kinds of issues they will encounter as they grow up? Will Hannah have enough of a center to take care of herself as the guys sniff around and paw at her? Will Ben be able to contain his impatience with the world?

We recently found out that Ben has been admitted into the GT (Gifted/Talented) program at his school. Tina was ecstatic. I was ummm... I don't know what I was... I know this much... I was thinking more about Hannah and found myself second-guessing our decision not to have her screened for the program.

I called my mother and explained what I was thinking about to her and so she reminded me of the reasons Tina had wanted to wait with Hannah. She was basically thinking that Hannah would do better when she has a different teacher. She really doesn't like her current teach and Tina didn't want to load her down w/the stress of testing in such a situation.

Keep in mind we are talking about kindergarteners...

I guess my main fear is that one way or another Hannah will not be accepted into the program once we finally do test her. How might she feel about such a thing?

My sister was in a a GT program when we were kids. She always excelled in school. I never did. I don't remember ever thinking she was smarter than me. I've always known I was smart.

In the end, I turned into a dysfunctional alchoholic.

Apparently that happens to alot of smart people.

OH DEAR SWEET GOD IN HEAVEN

2005-02-22T14:31:00.000-06:00

So my bud Terry tells me he's gonna write a contributing post to the blog. I'm like, "let's setup one of those group blogs" He's like, "Yeah whatever... you'll post my blog entry on your blog site and you'll like it.... So I'm like... "yeah whatever... not gonna happen."

So here's Terry's blog entry. He's right. I'm gonna post it...

Contributing Writer Post

Yep, that's right…CW here. Why? Well, because Mr. Leben doesn't seem to have the tenacity to stick with writing good posts. Instead we get the lame ‘ol "Vanilla Sky" post preceeded by the "Oh no someone died bleh bleh bleh" post. Ok, so what else could possibly top Vanilla Sky posts? Well, technically everything from a post on the Importance of the Wiggles in a child’s life to How to Sharpen a Pencil with a knife"....but I have yet another in mind, sorry to disappoint.

Race Captains for the Water Safari. So Mr. Leben is going to race this year again and is once again on the team captain recruiter trail. He has several options but I had volunteered to be one of his captains. In my mind, this honorary position is simple, if you are 1) responsible 2) a go getter and 3) crazy and for some reason excited about helping Mr. Leben win again. I am 2 outta the three. Well, I happen to be responsible and a go getter and yet I don’t give a shit about Mr. Leben winning.....just teasing. So I offered to help. I figured I could take a Monday/Tues off and spend my Friday through Tuesday helping him helping him with his portages. Traditionally the point in which you get some water, repairs, etc et al. How hard could this be? I mean most teams have their wives do it or a friend but usually these people are not CPA’s (Certified Portage Asshats), they are just run of the mill volunteers that have some sort of familiarity with the race. So Dave then says that the person he wants must travel to different locations and "practice" handing water to them. I can see the point of practicing handing water to them but I suggested we do it at like town lake or somewhere close to where we can get there fairly quickly. Well, no sooner did I say that then they closed Legoland in Europe, The rose ansunami waters dried up and a huge hole in the ground opened up with flames from hell as the phoenix d "OH NO! Mr. Leben COULDNT HAVE THAT!". ...it HAAAAAD to be in the EXACT SPOT that the acual WATER TRANSFER would take place. *rolls eyes*.....should I be surprised? I mean I should have expected him to say, "And we want you to not sleep for 2 days and do the transfer at 4am so we have realistic working conditions as well".

I guess from my standpoint I just don’t see a point in driving somewhere 1.5 hours away from where I live to be in an exact location to test my manual dexterity. Maybe he’s right. Maybe it’s important for us to know the exact PLACE he will pull into so I can be standing in the EXACT spot. But ya know, you cannot plan for that anyway. Who knows the water conditions, what will be going through their minds. Who knows if I’ll have to take a leak and I will be behind a bush making friends with mosquitoes when they pull in, only to run out one hand with their water bottle and the other wiping up from an otherwise enjoyable crap.

But you know what, regardless of what I think, he is going to have it his way. Why? Because someone screwed up and gave Mr. Leben a job about 13 years ago and he has somehow taken his luck in surviving years of employment as validation of his decision making abilities. IM JOKING SETTLE DOWN ya bunch of CPAs.

Seriously, though. I have no hope. I have no hope of figuring this out, getting Dave’s by-in on a close location. So then I thought. Fine, tell ya what. Why doesn’t he get a team captain that fits his bill and I will come along for the ride. I will help carry supplies, read boats, keep track of whats what and otherwise learn from what I see, hear and experience. Then maybe I can get a greater appreciation for the race, what the CPA’s have to do and maybe then, MAYBE, I will agree with Mr. Leben.

But I’m not wiping the turds off the waterbottles if he arrives when I’m in the bushes.

CW out- g’night folks!

So there you go... that's his post... Why did I put it up there? I'll tell you why... One reason and one reason only...

GROW A PAIR TERRY!!!! BE OUR TEAM CAPTAIN AND PRACTICE HANDING OFF THE WATER WHERE WE WANT IT HANDED OFF WHEN WE WANTED IT HANDED OFF THE WAY WE WANT IT HANDED OFF.

This is shaping up to be a fine race-season!

Vanilla Coke

2005-02-22T13:30:00.000-06:00

So we don't yet know why Hunter S. Thompson died. But I can tell you this... He may well have drank a Vanilla Coke just before pulling the trigger.

I just accidentally got hold of one at lunch and I want to kill myself.

Fair Well Dr Thompson...

2005-02-21T19:50:00.000-06:00

I was saddened to hear of the death of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson this weekend. I had just found his column on Page 2 of ESPN.com and it seems ironic that the first column I ever read of his was to be his last.

I'm really interested to know if he wrote anything regarding his reasons. I knew he was weird but I never thought he was depressed or anything.

Maybe he was sick? Maybe he was into the Mob for too much money? Anyway... It sucks...

Got Traffic Tickets?

2005-02-08T15:13:00.000-06:00

If not, come talk to me, cuz I have plenty of them.

In fact, I have appear to have accrued approximately 2600 dollars (US) worth of traffic violations since 2003. I say approximately because I don't yet know what all of the attorneys fees, Defensive Driving fees and Deferred Adjudication fees will cost me. Also, some jurisdictions add on a 30% collection fee.

Anyway, as best I can figure, I'm up to at least 2600 bucks for 3 speeding tickets, 1 failure to show financial responsibility. 1 failure to show Driver's License. 1 No seatbelt and 2 expired registrations. These alone don't give you the 2600 bucks though. There's the failure to appears associated w/each violation and then there's the 30 dollar fees for each violation that gets charged by the authority to add your name to a database so that you can't get your driver's license renewed.

Basically I've got warrants shooting out my ass right now.

I was thinking about all this on my way to work yesterday. I was driving Tina's van because I've been sick and didn't want to ride my motorcycle in the cold. So anyway, I'm stuck in a traffic jam and need to get over from the left lane to the right lane. I signal my intention and this asshole trucker won't let me through. Where the fuck does he think he's going anyway? He should just let me through!

Finally I see a hole up ahead and so I get there and get across the lanes. WHOOOHOOO! Then, traffic crawls to a stop in my new lane and Mr. Asshole trucker from before creeps up. This time he's to my left rather than my right cuz I'm in the far right lane now.

So anyway, I get right to where he can see me and I give him a good bird. No sooner am I turning around in my seat to look in front of me [EDITED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY] Anyway...

So I get pull over and look at Mr. Assfuck trucker guy. He's laughing his ass off (makes sense right?) and then [EDITED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY]. Of course, I'm thinking "OH FUCK I'M FUCKED" cuz now we are gonna have to [EDITED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY] my ass is going to jail! Well Mr. [EDITED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY] And then he gets back in his car and like that...

it's over.

Well I didn't wait to argue about it. He's [EDITED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY], I'm [EDITED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY]! I didn't [EDITED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY]... nope... I got back in the car and literally got off the freeway. I didn't wait for the next exit. I just fucking went over the grass and got on the frontage.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Back!

2005-02-01T17:14:00.000-06:00

Okay Okay Okay.. I'm lame. Basically I forgot my blogspot login information. fuck you... how's that?

So what's been going on since we last chatted? let's see:

1. I have been working a new job (at the same place)
2. I recently returned from a trip to Penang and Tokyo
3. ummm.... I remembered my blogspot login info
4. ummmmmmmmm......... My kids had their 6th b-day. Actually it was while I was in Penang, but we had the party this weekend since I'm back.
5. ummmmmmmmmmmmm..... my poker buddies suck cuz they won't move the game this friday night to saturday night to accomodate an old friend who is working friday night

I guess that's it for now. I'm just glad I remembered the login information.

I know you are too.

Angry Cabbies

2004-12-15T23:30:00.000-06:00

When I walked out to my bike tonight, it wouldn't start.

The battery ran out of juice because I was so freaking cold when I got to work this morning, I just stopped the bike, got off and went inside. I forgot to actually move the key to "Off" and to remove it from the ignition.

So I tried roll-starting it by myself and then my buddy Jim came out and helped. It was all to no avail. We were going to try to jump start it and it turns out I was lucky he didn't have jumper cables because I later found out that jump-starting the bike via car can fry the bike electronics.

Finally, after fucking with it for awhile, I decided to call a cab. I gave "Roys" a call and found out it was gonna cost me 46 bucks to get home. So I went ahead and booked it and then proceed to wait for the "15, 20 no... 25 minutes" that the dispatcher told me it would take for the cabbie to get there.

About 35 minutes later I get a call from the cabbie who is on the completely wrong side of the complex of buildings where I work. At that same moment, one of my coleagues (colleagues? coleegs? colleegs? kolleags? Fuck it) comes out of the building and offers me a ride.

Let's see... 46 bucks and a lost cabby or female colleague? WHICH WOULD YOU PICK?

Just as I was getting into R's car, the cabby calls me back and tells me she's found the building. So that's when I told her I was already in a car and on my way.

"Hey, I really apprceciate you coming out here, but I actually found a ride..."

"Yeah? I bet you aren't appreciative enough to come back here and give me a little money for the effort..." She sounded... what... pissed off?

"Yeahhhh.. ummm... nooooo.... you're right.. I'm not that appreciative..."

"Well I guess that makes you an asshole now doesn't it?"

"Yeah... I hear that alot... I sure hope I'm able to sleep tonight. Have a nice one"

So that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Sexy Bloggers

2004-12-07T20:00:00.000-06:00

I've decided to add a new list of blogs... Sexy Bloggers. The first entry is er..uh...umm....

Susu (from Virginia) is a sexy blogger. I thought about sex when I saw her picture.

I'm also adding solitaire redux as presented by KJ. She's from Canada. There's not much to be done about that, but I thought of sex when I saw her blog and that's good enough for the list!

So Welcome susu and KJ!

People who use paper towels...

2004-12-06T19:21:00.000-06:00

...to open the bathroom door as they leave a public restroom are funny to me. I guess I just don't get it. After all, don't you think that guy who didn't wash his hands after he got done wiping might just run right on over to the printer and run his feces-covered digits all over it? And what about those towells? They live in the bathroom! Those towel holders are not at all air tight. I'm sure fecal matter makes it's way in there and settles on the surface of the paper. I'm sure many of you who suffer from this affliction don't hesitate to put your mouth upon your lover's genitals.

Or maybe you don't.

My suggestion is for all you obsessive-compulsive anal-retentive bed-wetters out there to just relax and open the bathroom door. Just... Relax... That's right... just calm down... there you go... nice... see? Isn't that nice?

So much better than thinking about how dirty everything is... Let's think nice clean thoughts instead... Let's not think about that smelly bastard who just walked out of the stall (w/that funny bad-wipe walk) and went straight for the door... Let's not think about how he just used that hand to apply a wad of toilet tissue to his anus and then put that same hand on the door handle and walked out without even so much as a thought about your welfare. Let's not think about the germs... the diseases...

Let's not think about the teeming masses of humanity who settle in their own squalor and barely keep their bug-infested heads above the putrid waters of their chaotic...

[pause]

Sorry... I had to puke.

All I'm saying is that I'm not sure you are really doing yourself any favors by using the towels to open the bathroom door.

But hey.. if it helps you sleep better at night...

Bush

2004-12-01T18:55:00.000-06:00

I voted for him the first time. I did it because Tina was intent upon voting for Gore and I just couldn't picture such a thing. Also, we had a cool bet that I can't, really tell you about. Suffice to say, I won and was very pleased w/the result.

I think Bush did a pretty good job when the towers fell. Yeah yeah yeah.. he sat on his ass for a few minutes and then hopped on his plane and flew around for a few hours, but I was much more concerned about the response we would give as a country assuming we knew what was up. Unlike some, Bush's tears moved me and gave me pause to reflect upon the humanity of our leader. I admired Cheney for his stoic demeanor post 9/11 as he calmly explained that the U.S. government would not hesitate to blow an airliner out of the sky in future circumstances similar to 9/11.

I fully supported our invasion of Afghanistan. I must admit that I bought into the hype regarding the almost mythical constitution of the Jihadi fighters and thus figured it would be much more difficult than it was to knock the Taliban out of their turbans.

I also supported our invasion of Iraq, based on what Mr. Powell had to say about WMD. I shallowly looked up to him and Condoleezza Rice primarily for their obvious intelligence and in no small measure, upon the color of their skin and the fact that they occupied some of the most powerful stations in our country's government.

My feelings about our Administration have changed as I have watched them botch the post-invasion management of Iraq, as the facts about the manipulation of the spotty intelligence have come to light and as I have watched them turn away from the original reasons they gave us for sending our troops to war.

I have no confidence in the Adminstration's ability to manage the complexities associated with the Middle East, Korea, and our economy.

Bush's alignment with the far right and his stance on various social issues has turned me off. It's funny how I didn't hear very much about his reborn Christianity during the first election. Oh that's right.... I wasn't paying attention... I was too busy hoping I'd win that bet with Tina.

However, above and beyond everything else, there is this fact: I'm no longer convinced that Bush is really the President. I think Cheney is, and I didn't vote for him to be our President. If you want an interesting read, check out "Dick, the Man Who is President." It's got some pretty interesting information in it.

So there you have it. I don't like Bush anymore. I didn't vote for him this time and I will refuse to vote for a third term for the Republican party in 2008.

That does not change my feelings about Canada. I fully support any plans the current Administration may have to invade this Nefarious Neihbor of the North and will gladly volunteer my own children to that worthy cause.

Hiccups

2004-11-30T21:07:00.000-06:00

Tonight, my little girl had a hard time getting to sleep. She had the hiccups and was worried she'd die in her sleep from them.

She's always had questions about death, but she's been more preoccupied than ever since the beginning of the school year. You see, at the top of the stairwell in her school there is a photograph of a bright-eyed little boy and a plaque commemorating his life (and death). she is in class with his sister and like I said, she's had death on her mind.

Tonight I was irritated with it. How am I supposed to know what to say to her questions? How do I know what will happen? I kept telling her to be quiet; that she was fine and that it was time for her to sleep, but she only got more worked up, and after a bit I went into her room and laid down next to her.

"I can't get these hiccups out of me", she said as she cried and then asked me again if she would die. I kissed her on the forehead and stroked her hair. I pulled the covers up around her and whispered,

"You're fine little one... everyone gets the hiccups... even mommy and daddy get them... No one's ever died from the hiccups." She calmed down immediately and was almost instantly asleep. I looked at her little body... her tiny shoulders rising up and down to the rhythm of her even breath. I looked at her sweet little arm and at her hand clutching two of my fingers. I tried to picture a world without her. I wondered how I'd ever...

... get through 3 endless days of mind-fucking corporate training. It's the kind of thing where you sit there and listen to a guy who get's paid 100k a year to basically read from a book of powerpoint slides.

Today we actually lucked out. This guy doesn't seem all that bad and may have actually had some experience in the area we are there to learn about.

I ended up going to lunch with the people sitting at the same table as me in class. This included a colleague (we'll call her "J" for now) and 2 other folks I don't know at all. I won't give them initials because I don't remember their names. One was a man and one was a woman.

While we were at lunch, we were talking about this and that. Finally, the discussion rolled around to our kids. I was talking about how my little girl is learning to tie her shoes and how mad she got when I finally tied one of them for her.

The man from our table laughed and said, "It doesn't get different for a long long time! I raised up two girls myself and I can tell you it doesn't get different for a long time." Then "J" asked him how old his daughters were now and about what they did for a living.

Right at that moment, I KNEW one of them had died. I knew it. I knew it without hearing anything. I don't know if it was in a look that he gave... or in the way he paused for just that brief moment... but I knew.

He went on to tell us how his oldest daughter was finishing up school and had recently gotten married. Then he told us about her husband, who is a Marine, and was recently shot in Iraq and who will be returning home soon.

"J" said, "Wow.. .that's alot for a new wife to have to deal with" and he replied,

"Yeah... well actually she's had it really tough the last couple of years as it is. We lost our youngest two years ago and she hasn't done well with that at all."

I knew it. I fucking knew it. How the fuck I knew it, I don't fucking know... but I fucking knew it.

And of couse, everyone was like, "Oh I'm so sorry..." and "Wow... that's so terrible..." I said, "That must have been earth-shattering." Luckily, I was able to apply what little filter I have and not say anything more.

Then I sat there for a moment and wondered if, under similar circumstances, I'd ...

... be able to keep on living.

Little one, the best I can do is tell you everything is fine; that you are healthy and that everyone gets the hiccups. I can kiss you on the forehead and stroke your hair. I can pull the covers up around you to make sure you stay warm. I can wait here with you, until your eyes close, your breath becomes even and you fall asleep,

and hope I'll never know.

Canada Should Shit or Get Off the Pot

2004-11-29T20:27:00.000-06:00

Seriously now... Please figure out if you are French, British or American. And for God's sake don't pick French. We'll have to invade on principal alone if you hook up with France.

Control Bloggers

2004-11-28T17:19:00.000-06:00

I'm fairly new to blogging but I can't help but offer up my thoughts about something I'm seeing as I peruse other blogs.

On at least two different sites I've seen something along the lines of this:

"blah blah blah blah blah blah blah... ... and if you know me please be sure to let me know that you have read my blog. After all, this is my diary and it is only fair for you to let someone know when you've been reading their journal... ... blah blah blah blah blah..."

or,

"...blah blah blah blah... ... Please do not link to this blog. This is my personal diary and I consider it to be every bit as private and personal as I would a journal written on paper that I keep under my pillow... blah blah blah blah blah"

Ummm... hello? What kind of crack are you dumbasses smoking? OF COURSE IT ISN'T ANYTHING LIKE A PERSONAL JOURNAL WRITTEN ON PAPER THAT YOU KEEP UNDER YOUR PILLOW! It's a webpage that automagically gets linked to by blogger.com (assuming you do your thing here) and even if it isn't linked to automagically, the fact that it's on the web and is not password protected means that it's there for others to read.

Get a fucking life. I imagine you're very similar to those people who play Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games or who run around inside virtual universes like Active Worlds making a big point out of asking people not to enter your "private" homes because "after all, you wouldn't want someone coming into YOUR REAL HOUSE NOW WOULD YOU?"

Of course you want people to read your private thoughts and ideas. You wouldn't be blogging in the first place if you didn't.

I'm going to put a special links section in my sidebar just for you.

My first entry is a link over to [cynically] smiling. Kendall seems like an intelligent girl, and is obviously pretty, but is also very obviously a complete control freak - based on the disclaimers she's posted as an annotation to her blog.

Way to go, Kendall! You're the first one to make the list of "Control Bloggers" here on Somewhere Near Westlake!

First Ticket on the Bike!!!

2004-11-27T17:59:00.000-06:00

I was right! If only I had re-read yesterday's entry before venturing forth today...

But even though I didn't read yesterday's entry, I should have known it was gonna happen when I opened the day's mail and found an offer from "Municipal Services Bureau" imploring me to take care of that "FT USE SB" and "EXP LIC PLATES" ticket from back in May of '04.

That's the way my life works. I get a letter telling me I need to pay my fines. For most people, this would probably mean they just need to pay the fines. For me it means not only do I gotta pay the fine, but I'd better be on the lookout for the next one because Johnny Law is almost certainly sitting there waiting for me, right around the corner from 80 mph.

Sure, it's true... I'd been nursing a fantasy that I'd never get a ticket on the bike. This, despite the fact that I've probably aquired somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 or 30 tickets in the short 21 years that I've been driving on Texas highways. My stellar record notwithstanding, I basically had it in my head that I had developed enough self-control to keep the speed under wraps when on the bike.

To his credit, the officer was very polite and addressed me with only the utmost respect as he enquired as to my expeditious velocity. He seemed very much relieved as I assured, and then re-assured him that, "No, no officer, there is no emergency... I'm merely a victim of this recent colusion of dry pavement, 800cc's and new tires and but forgot myself, if only for a moment!"

Unfortunately, his peace-of-mind did not translate into goodwill and I was soon to find that my lack of restraint on F.M. 2244 was to be matched - nay surpassed by his own exuberance with pen and paper!

So much for self-control! Now I'm looking at an "81 in a 45" (303 dollars) and "No MoCyl Endors" which I believe equates to driving w/o a valid drivers license (125 dollars). If we add these numbers together, we come up with 428 dollars, and this does not include the cost of a driver safety course or deferred ajudication.

I figured I'd put it here rather than tell Tina about it. I've been giving her a lot of shit about money lately and somehow I don't think this is gonna lend any credibility to my cause.

The Future's So Bright...

2004-11-26T20:59:00.000-06:00

One of the cool things about living somewhere near Westlake is the ability it gives me to predict the future.

Here's a prediction:

I predict that in about one day's time hence, I will find a letter in my mail box asking me to pay the fines from some previous traffic violations. I predict I will ignore the letter for the obvious omen that it is and shortly upon having read it, go zooming down the road on my motorcycle only to be stopped by Officer DoGood in his quest to rid the Greater Austin Area of speeding fiends on two wheels. I further predict that I will fail to read this post tomorrow before leaving on my errands, thus ensuring everything I've predicted up to this point will happen as predicted.

I finally predict I will subsequently write up a blog entry on the matter.

Happy Freaking Thanksgiving!!!

2004-11-25T21:35:00.000-06:00

Ahhh... another Happy Thanksgiving! come and gone...

The Fence

2004-11-24T14:56:00.000-06:00

Like said, I wasn't really worried about the whole Property Schmroperty thing. So we had to adjust our view of what we own... Big deal! I mean... Life is about change, right?

Then I found out about the fence.

Apparently she wasn't just laying out the rope to help me understand the lay of the land. According to Tina, [Name of One-Hit-Wonder-Creating-Neighbor Here] didn't like looking at our trash can and so had decided to build a fence out of cedar poles.

Normally, this would be fine. But I didn't like the idea because our house is set right up against the property line. Before "The Great Purge" there had been plenty of tree-cover between our houses. And, even though our house was very close to the property line, there was an illusion of space. Now that she had cut all the cedar off of her land, the privacy was gone and she felt like she needed a fence!

Personally, I don't think it has jack-shit to do with our trash-can. The previous owners left their trash can in the same place and it didn't seem to bother her. No, I'm thinking it might have more to do with the original comments regarding the cutting of wood on our property.

Oh and let's talk about cutting wood for a minute. At one point, when we first moved in, our would-be "nature lover" asked us if we might ask our children to play quieter in the back-yard because she was worried the noise would bother the foxes who lived back there. She made a specific reference to the wonderful environment the foxes had back there.

Fast-forward to last month and she's got some very happy illegal immigrants clear-cutting everything that isn't an oak. Suddenly the little fox-sanctuary has turned into savannah. Oh.. and I didn't once hear her ask the workers if they might turn the volume down on their chain-saws.

So now fast-forward another month. Suddenly we have THE FENCE. Good God, I can't wait to get a digital camera. I'm gonna have to post some pics of this freaking monstrosity. At first she volunteered to put the uglier side of the fence facing her property. I imagine that the guy who was coordinating the build talked her out of it. Now we've got this 60 foot section of fence between our two houses. It doesn't attach to anything. It's just this partition so that she supposedly doesn't have to look at our trash cans.

The very trash cans that Tina now wants to keep out in the middle of the yard on the other side of the house!

Oh and the foxes? Apparently they've moved on to some other sanctuary. You gotta love it.

THE BIGGEST DICKHEAD ON THE PLANET!

2004-11-23T10:07:00.000-06:00

Right now...

At this very moment...

I'm sitting next to the BIGGEST DICKHEAD ON THE PLANET!

Perhaps I'd better explain. I frequent a little cafe positioned just outside "Somwhere Near Westlake" I tend to sit at the bar (It's a food bar) because you can almost always get quick seating that way. I've been coming here for years.

Generally speaking, I find that people who sit at the bar are more apt to be friendly than are people who sit at a booth, or at a table. The atmosphere of the bar fairly well cries out, "Hi there Friend!"

Many times, one person sitting at the bar will notice another person sitting at the bar and strike up a conversation. Other times, one might notice another's recently consumed newspaper sitting on the stool beside them.

In such a case, one might casually ask that person, "Excuse me sir, but have you completed your perusal of that dishevled stack of newspaper there on the stool next you?" Almost invariably, the person who "owns" the newspaper will enthusiastically motion to the guy next to him and say something like, "Oh go ahead! I've read it already.... Crappy Austin Paper!"

You can imagine the surprise I felt this morning when I went through this very routine only to find myself rudely rebuffed by the BIGGEST DICKHEAD ON THE PLANET!

"Excuse me sir... but are you finished reading these sections?", I asked good-naturedly.

He replied tersely, "Yes. I am finished reading them." Naturally, I started to reach for the paper when he added, "And I'm going to keep on reading them."

I was like, "Well by all means sir, you do just that!"

I then got change for a buck, and went out and bought 2 papers. I came back in, dropped one of them on the stool on top of his paper and said, "There you go... an extra one... just in case..."

flowers.com Sucks!

2004-11-22T19:51:00.000-06:00

That's right... I said it... So basically it's my seventh anniversary. And yeah, I remembered it and EVERYTHING! So anyway, the flowers.com policy clearly states that same day delivery is possible as long as your order by 2:00 pm in the time zone of the person who you are delivering to.

It just so happens that the "Somewhere Near Westlake" timezone is in the same time zone as "Somewhere a Little Further Away From Westlake" (which is where I ordered from). I looked at my watch right when I hit the order button and it was 1:30 pm.

A little bit later, I got my confirmation notice from flowers.com... no problems... no worries... no mention of any issues or problems... nothing like:

Dear Paying Customer,

We have successfully received your order and have processed your payment. Your money is safely in our coffers and is earning us interest. Your wife, on the otherhand, will not be receiving your flowers on time, as was suggested by our website when you ordered the product and paid for it.

We apologize in advance for any inconvenience this may cause you tonight when you are attempting to get some hot monkey-lovin' from your wife of seven years. We know you've put up with alot, and we'd assume she has as well. We want you both to know we are sincerely apologetic that the flower shop in your vicinity will not be filling your order today because:

a) They won't get your order in time
b) They won't have the product you ordered
c) They won't get your order in time AND won't have the product you ordered
d) Shut up. We don't know why you didn't get the fucking flowers.

Thanks for Shopping with Flowers.com! We hope you'll return
soon!

Nope... nothing like that... all I got was a polished confirmation notice making me think the whole thing was on track for a successful same-day delivery.

So then I get home and what do I find? How about I tell you what I don't find. I don't find any fucking anniversary flowers! That's what I don't find! We're on our last thread here and I don't find any fucking anniversary flowers!

Assholes.

Women are Nuts...

2004-11-21T15:23:00.000-06:00

Women go insane when the become mothers. I don’t know why this happens, but I have my suspicions. If nature didn’t provide for a sort of forced insanity, they’d almost certainly go crazy anyway and their behavior would potentially be less predictable or even violent! At best, they would become more difficult to be around. At worst they might actually kill.

Stay-at-home moms (“Homemakers”) have it the worst. They straddle a precarious line between the natural insanity of motherhood and the ever-present possibility of the more dangerous form.

Tina is a “Homemaker” and I think she may be losing the battle. Here are some examples:

Natural Insanity of Motherhood (NIoM)	More Dangerous Form of Insanity (MDFoI)
“Schnookums isn’t wistening very well… Does Wookywookums need a time out?”	“Schnookums better hope Daddy gets home in time to discipwine you cuz wookywookums don’t want any of what Mommy is about to dish out!”
Mommy will help woo in a minute”	“Mommy can’t help woo right now… Mommy is cweaning her weapons.”
“Okay wittle bunkywunkums… Time to cwean up the wivingwoom…”	“Time? There is no more time… It is time… It’s all over… GOD HELP US ALL IT’S ALL OVER!”

As you can see, there is a subtle but distinguishable difference. Over the years, I’ve developed a keen sense and am able to tell them apart almost automatically. I’m sure most men who make it this far have this ability. Those who don’t aren’t around very long.

This isn’t to say I’ve perfected my responses to those situations in which the natural insanity has given way to the homicidal mania. Here are some examples:

Homicidal Mania (HM)	The Correct Response (TCR)	My Response (MR)
“I’ve got an idea… Why don’t you do the fucking dishes and sweep the floor and lick the chimenea clean?”	“Okay honey sure!!!”	“Okay no problem… I’ll get right on it… And while I’m at it, can I get you to setup this project schedule for me? Also, I’m gonna need you to get on this 10:00pm phone call to Penang.. No? Didn’t think so…”
"Baby, even though I cut down this tree, could I get you to finish the job?"	“Okay honey sure!!!”	"No. I don't want to finish the job. I rarely finish my own jobs. You finish the job."
"Do I look fat in this moo-moo?"	“No baby, you look like the slender picture of your youth in that moo-moo!”	"Yes. You do look fat in the moo-moo. You look fat out of the moo-moo too!

Okay, I gotta play fair here... Tina doesn't have a moo-moo and she isn't overweight. On the otherhand, if she were to ask me a question like that I'd probably answer that way just because it's such a wrong thing to ask. It's morally wrong. It's just so wrong!

I guess what I'm trying to say is, regardless of her insanity (whichever form it happens to be taking at the time) it's fairly apparent that I'm somewhat unhinged, myself.

Now look at me. I've gone and emasculated myself. I had a perfectly good post going and had to go and fuck it all up with a blatant cop-out.

Property Schmroperty

2004-11-15T09:26:00.000-06:00

One of the reasons Tina and I picked this house was because we loved the view from the deck. Basically, the back of the house is just at the edge of a gradually sloping cliff which forms one wall of a small canyon. The creek at the bottom runs down to the lake, which is about a quarter mile from our house

Our land extends down to the center of that creek. I was under the impression I understood exactly how our land was laid out in relation to our house until a couple months ago, when I noticed our neighbor (on the right side as you face the street... she's a former member of a band that put out a one hit wonder back in the 80's...) laying out a nylon rope along the property line between our 2 houses.

"Whacha doin [Name of One-Hit-Wonder-Creating-Neighbor Here] ?", I asked.

"Well, I was talking to your kids the other day and they said that you and Tina were concerned that someone was cutting wood on your property. I've been cutting wood, but I can assure you, it's not on YOUR property..."

"Hmmm... Yeah... well I don't know if it was you or not. We've been finding these piles of cut cedar down there by the creek. We assumed it was you, since you've been cutting your own property..."

"Yeah but see, that's just it. I am cutting my property! That's why I'm laying out this rope. I want you to see how the property line goes all the way from the street, down to the creek. Do you want to see it?" At this point, I was getting slightly irritated. I had been washing my motorcycle when I first noticed her, and while I was interested in what she was doing, I didn't really want to break out the survey gear and walk the line with her.

Nevertheless, I was wondering where her head was at and so I agreed to lay the rope out with her. As we were making our way down the cliff, she kept wanting to bring the rope over to the right. I could see that each of the little piles of cut wood were falling on "her side" of the line as we cut diagonally across what I had been thinking of as my property. Once we got down to the creek, I finally said something.

"[Name of One-Hit-Wonder-Creating-Neighbor Here] This doesn't make any sense. You've cut this line right across our back yard. It seems like you've got it ending up at the other side of our property. "

She replied "No no... you see... the property line cuts straight back from the street, and your house is set at an angle to the lines of the rectangle. I thought the same thing when I first moved in and only later learned how it all lays out." At this point, I was getting the nagging feeling that she was right, but I was having a hard time believing it. So I went inside and broke out the survey. After I lined things up, it definitely appeared that she was correct. Tina and I were going to have to adjust our thoughts about what was ours and what was not.

I was fine w/that until I learned about the fence...

Women's Meeting

2004-11-13T23:09:00.000-06:00

Tonight Tina asked me to take the kids for awhile so she could have her women's meeting here at the house. Once a month she and her friends get together in a formal setting to talk about their lives in a formal (no cross-talk please) setting. From what I can tell, they talk about the same things in this meeting that they talk about everywhere else.

I agreed to get the kids out of the house, and devised a plan to take them to see the new movie "The Incredibles" and then to bring them back home and put them to bed. Unfortunately we got to the theatre too late and the movie was sold out. I was not to be deterred, however, and so I made the executive decision to keep them out past their normal bed time and to see a later showing. That ended up being fine. We went and saw the movie and then headed back to the house.

When we came into the house, the women were all sitting there in the living room. The lights were down low, and there were candles burning. One of them was saying something about something until I came in. At that point, it got silent and I had the uneasy feeling they were all looking at me as I walked Hannah into the bedroom while holding Ben in my arms.

Once I had them in bed, I came back out into the living room with the intention of getting a Sprite from the kitchen. Again someone was saying something about something and as I entered the room, it became deathly silent. This time I looked, and sure enough, they were all looking at me. It was not a good look. It was a scary look. It scared me. As I walked upstairs I could almost swear I heard a sigh and then something like "Okay... he's gone..."