Got Traffic Tickets?

If not, come talk to me, cuz I have plenty of them.

In fact, I have appear to have accrued approximately 2600 dollars (US) worth of traffic violations since 2003. I say approximately because I don't yet know what all of the attorneys fees, Defensive Driving fees and Deferred Adjudication fees will cost me. Also, some jurisdictions add on a 30% collection fee.

Anyway, as best I can figure, I'm up to at least 2600 bucks for 3 speeding tickets, 1 failure to show financial responsibility. 1 failure to show Driver's License. 1 No seatbelt and 2 expired registrations. These alone don't give you the 2600 bucks though. There's the failure to appears associated w/each violation and then there's the 30 dollar fees for each violation that gets charged by the authority to add your name to a database so that you can't get your driver's license renewed.

Basically I've got warrants shooting out my ass right now.

I was thinking about all this on my way to work yesterday. I was driving Tina's van because I've been sick and didn't want to ride my motorcycle in the cold. So anyway, I'm stuck in a traffic jam and need to get over from the left lane to the right lane. I signal my intention and this asshole trucker won't let me through. Where the fuck does he think he's going anyway? He should just let me through!

Finally I see a hole up ahead and so I get there and get across the lanes. WHOOOHOOO! Then, traffic crawls to a stop in my new lane and Mr. Asshole trucker from before creeps up. This time he's to my left rather than my right cuz I'm in the far right lane now.

So anyway, I get right to where he can see me and I give him a good bird. No sooner am I turning around in my seat to look in front of me [EDITED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY] Anyway...

So I get pull over and look at Mr. Assfuck trucker guy. He's laughing his ass off (makes sense right?) and then [EDITED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY]. Of course, I'm thinking "OH FUCK I'M FUCKED" cuz now we are gonna have to [EDITED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY] my ass is going to jail! Well Mr. [EDITED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY] And then he gets back in his car and like that...

it's over.

Well I didn't wait to argue about it. He's [EDITED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY], I'm [EDITED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY]! I didn't [EDITED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY]... nope... I got back in the car and literally got off the freeway. I didn't wait for the next exit. I just fucking went over the grass and got on the frontage.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!