People who use paper towels...

...to open the bathroom door as they leave a public restroom are funny to me. I guess I just don't get it. After all, don't you think that guy who didn't wash his hands after he got done wiping might just run right on over to the printer and run his feces-covered digits all over it? And what about those towells? They live in the bathroom! Those towel holders are not at all air tight. I'm sure fecal matter makes it's way in there and settles on the surface of the paper. I'm sure many of you who suffer from this affliction don't hesitate to put your mouth upon your lover's genitals.

Or maybe you don't.

My suggestion is for all you obsessive-compulsive anal-retentive bed-wetters out there to just relax and open the bathroom door. Just... Relax... That's right... just calm down... there you go... nice... see? Isn't that nice?

So much better than thinking about how dirty everything is... Let's think nice clean thoughts instead... Let's not think about that smelly bastard who just walked out of the stall (w/that funny bad-wipe walk) and went straight for the door... Let's not think about how he just used that hand to apply a wad of toilet tissue to his anus and then put that same hand on the door handle and walked out without even so much as a thought about your welfare. Let's not think about the germs... the diseases...

Let's not think about the teeming masses of humanity who settle in their own squalor and barely keep their bug-infested heads above the putrid waters of their chaotic...

[pause]

Sorry... I had to puke.

All I'm saying is that I'm not sure you are really doing yourself any favors by using the towels to open the bathroom door.

But hey.. if it helps you sleep better at night...

The Fence

Like said, I wasn't really worried about the whole Property Schmroperty thing. So we had to adjust our view of what we own... Big deal! I mean... Life is about change, right?

Then I found out about the fence.

Apparently she wasn't just laying out the rope to help me understand the lay of the land. According to Tina, [Name of One-Hit-Wonder-Creating-Neighbor Here] didn't like looking at our trash can and so had decided to build a fence out of cedar poles.

Normally, this would be fine. But I didn't like the idea because our house is set right up against the property line. Before "The Great Purge" there had been plenty of tree-cover between our houses. And, even though our house was very close to the property line, there was an illusion of space. Now that she had cut all the cedar off of her land, the privacy was gone and she felt like she needed a fence!

Personally, I don't think it has jack-shit to do with our trash-can. The previous owners left their trash can in the same place and it didn't seem to bother her. No, I'm thinking it might have more to do with the original comments regarding the cutting of wood on our property.

Oh and let's talk about cutting wood for a minute. At one point, when we first moved in, our would-be "nature lover" asked us if we might ask our children to play quieter in the back-yard because she was worried the noise would bother the foxes who lived back there. She made a specific reference to the wonderful environment the foxes had back there.

Fast-forward to last month and she's got some very happy illegal immigrants clear-cutting everything that isn't an oak. Suddenly the little fox-sanctuary has turned into savannah. Oh.. and I didn't once hear her ask the workers if they might turn the volume down on their chain-saws.

So now fast-forward another month. Suddenly we have THE FENCE. Good God, I can't wait to get a digital camera. I'm gonna have to post some pics of this freaking monstrosity. At first she volunteered to put the uglier side of the fence facing her property. I imagine that the guy who was coordinating the build talked her out of it. Now we've got this 60 foot section of fence between our two houses. It doesn't attach to anything. It's just this partition so that she supposedly doesn't have to look at our trash cans.

The very trash cans that Tina now wants to keep out in the middle of the yard on the other side of the house!

Oh and the foxes? Apparently they've moved on to some other sanctuary. You gotta love it.

flowers.com Sucks!

That's right... I said it... So basically it's my seventh anniversary. And yeah, I remembered it and EVERYTHING! So anyway, the flowers.com policy clearly states that same day delivery is possible as long as your order by 2:00 pm in the time zone of the person who you are delivering to.

It just so happens that the "Somewhere Near Westlake" timezone is in the same time zone as "Somewhere a Little Further Away From Westlake" (which is where I ordered from). I looked at my watch right when I hit the order button and it was 1:30 pm.

A little bit later, I got my confirmation notice from flowers.com... no problems... no worries... no mention of any issues or problems... nothing like:

Dear Paying Customer,

We have successfully received your order and have processed your payment. Your money is safely in our coffers and is earning us interest. Your wife, on the otherhand, will not be receiving your flowers on time, as was suggested by our website when you ordered the product and paid for it.

We apologize in advance for any inconvenience this may cause you tonight when you are attempting to get some hot monkey-lovin' from your wife of seven years. We know you've put up with alot, and we'd assume she has as well. We want you both to know we are sincerely apologetic that the flower shop in your vicinity will not be filling your order today because:

a) They won't get your order in time
b) They won't have the product you ordered
c) They won't get your order in time AND won't have the product you ordered
d) Shut up. We don't know why you didn't get the fucking flowers.

Thanks for Shopping with Flowers.com! We hope you'll return
soon!

Nope... nothing like that... all I got was a polished confirmation notice making me think the whole thing was on track for a successful same-day delivery.

So then I get home and what do I find? How about I tell you what I don't find. I don't find any fucking anniversary flowers! That's what I don't find! We're on our last thread here and I don't find any fucking anniversary flowers!

Assholes.