Thursday, July 05, 2007

Dear Penthouse Forum

“Dear Penthouse Forum,

I never thought it would happen to me, and now that it still hasn’t, I thought I simply just HAD to write to tell you all about what it wasn’t…”

Perhaps the letter I would have written if really HAD happened. Of course.. it didn’t…

Tonight the kids and I went and ate at the Fuddrucker’s over in Brody Oaks Plaza. This is one of the many places I worked at when I was a teenager and is, therefore, one of the many places I was fired from. Of course, the kids were only slightly less bored by this fact than they were by the Great American Hotdog Eating Contest which was showing on the multiple televisions arrayed strategically around the dining room. There’s no fucking way you aren’t gonna watch TV at Fuddrucker’s. They’ve made certain of that.

As we were leaving, I drove around the back of the shopping center. That’s when I remembered her.

I don’t remember her name, but I do remember her beautiful brown hair… her dark eyes… the downy softness of her moustache.

That’s right. She had a moustache and had not figured out that the dark hair over the upper lip was reminiscent of Freddy Mercury and none too attractive. And yet, to me, she was beautiful…

“My sister is in Penthouse.” She said it as if it were a challenge. We were hanging out in the wooded area just behind the shopping center. We were on our lunch break and were both decked out in our white jeans and white Fuddrucker’s shirts. It was the uniform du jour for Fuddrucker’s – the upscale burger joint we both worked at.

“Oh yeah?” I replied. I wasn’t sure what to do with that information in the same way I wasn’t sure what to do with this girl who was hanging out in the woods with me.

“Yeah… she didn’t get the centerfold or anything but she’s in there. You should check it out… she’s really pretty.”

“Uh… yeah.. okay… sure…” What was I supposed to say to that? I was 16, looked all of about 12 and the only way I had ever gotten my hands on a dirty magazine was either by finding them in dumpsters or by digging them out from under my father’s friend’s closet when we were visiting his house. I sure as hell wasn’t going to be able to just pick up a copy of her naked sister on display at the nearest 7-11!

“You ever been with a girl?” she asked.

“Uh… well.. I mean… I’m with you right now!”

“No dumbass… I mean… have you ever been WITH a girl? I mean… have you ever… you know… gotten laid?”

“Ohhhh… “ I said it as if it spoke for itself. Of course, I never had. I’d never even been close. The most I’d ever done w/a girl at that point was to kiss my mother’s friend’s daughter on the lips when we were about 8. After that everything kind of came to a stop.

“So have you? I bet you haven’t… I bet you’re still a virgin.”

“Uhh well.. I mean… yeah… well I mean.. no… I mean.. yeah… I’m still a virgin. I guess.”

“You guess. You’ve either done it or you haven’t done it. It’s not an ‘I guess’ kind of thing.” Her tone was mean. I was the smallest thing in the world at that moment.

“Well I mean… yeah.. I’m a virgin… okay? I’ve never done it with anyone. What about you? Have you?”

“Duh! Of course I have! Who hasn’t done it?” I was surprised by this. As far as I knew none of my friends had done it. The fact that she had seemed completely out of place to me.

“Oh yeah? Who did you do it with?” I asked this, not realizing I might not want to know the answer. I asked it, not knowing she might not want to tell me. In any case, I wasn’t prepared for what followed.

She shouted, “I don’t want to talk about it okay!”, and then got up and ran up the short hill to the road behind the shopping center. When I caught up to her, she was crying and wouldn’t speak to me. We walked most of the way back to the restaurant in silence. Then, as we got near the back door she turned to me and said, “You tell anyone and I’ll hunt you down and kill you. I’ll cut your head off and shit down your neck. You fucking tell anyone and I’ll make you wish you were dead!”

I kind of wished I was anyway. “Hey look I’m sorry… what did I say? I just asked who you did it with? Is that so bad? Hey listen.. stop crying okay? I’m not gonna tell anyone… I promise… It’ll be our secret. I swear…” She looked me up and down and then slowly nodded her head.

“We gotta back in now. You’d better not tell anyone. I got enough problems without you telling anyone.” I figured it must be so to get such a reaction out of her. I figured I’d wait until later to discuss the moustache with her.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

わたくしはにほんごおはなひます

ほんとづす。

So this is my first blog post containing some of the very little Japanese I know. I am sticking to hiragana (ひらがな)because I was finding it simply too difficult to learn the kanji and learn to speak at the same time.

If you don't see the JP characters, you'll need to install JP language support on your system.

You may want to learn to read/write Japanese yourself, as I intend to write some of my blogs in this language as I learn more.

Thoughts about Thinking

I was sitting at the cafe at the hotel I stay at in Penang, working through some simple math exercises from a book I purchased for the purpose of brushing up on my math skills. It occurs to me that if I'm to help my children with their math, I'm going to need to know it myself.

While I was working through the exercises, I began visualizing an interaction w/my son in which he was working through the problems faster then me and understanding the concepts better then me. I pictured this raw intelligence, filled with potential and yet ill-equipped to handle life on life's terms, given his lack of experience.

This process set me to thinking about about the difference between a child's mind and an adult's mind.

It seems as I get older, my tendency to calculate answers to various questions decreases and my tendency to rely on experience as my guide increases. This makes sense. I have built 39 years of experiences from which to draw conclusions about the world around me. A child is bare of many of these experiences. His mind must make calculations about the world around him since in many cases the inputs and circumstances are new to him.

Perhaps there is some line between the "calculating" mind of a younger person and the "experiential" mind of an older person. It seems that the natural progression is for the calculating mind to make a shift toward the experiential mind as one's body of experiences grows. Perhaps, there is a benefit in this - One's ability to make the correct decision quickly in any given set of circumstances is enhanced if all one has to do is draw on memories of previous cause and effect, and act accordingly. If one had to calculate the cause and effect each time one was faced w/a given scenario two things might happen: Firstly, one might come to a "correct" conclusion in some cases, and an "incorrect" conclusion in other cases. Secondly, even if one were always correct, the calculation takes time and decisions to act would be made more slowly.

On the otherhand, there's something to be said for holding on to one's ability to calculate. If my experience shows anything at all, it's that I can't always trust my conclusions about previous experiences. Life is not so black and white as to ensure a similar outcome each and every time one is faced with what appear to be similar inputs and circumstances. It remains important to be able to examine a situation, determine if anything about it is new (relative to previous similar experiences) and then make adjustments to one's response if necessary. These, in a sense, are the same calculations the child's calculating mind are making all the time.

The tendency is for adults is to turn more and more toward the experiential thought-process as they grow older. This is probably fine, depending on an individual's body of experience and ability to retain memories. But brings up the question of what happens once one begins to lose his ability to remember. Does the mind begin again to rely more heavily on calculation? Perhaps so, though it's a losing battle given the fact that the calculations themselves must be based on some fundamental set of facts, the size of which is constantly decreasing as the mind deteriorates.

So, my little act of trying to refresh myself on elementary math has yielded an entirely new line of thought (at least for me). I have no idea if my conclusions have any merit, and I'm not sure it matters, in any event...

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Update - No Reason For Concern

The video I linked to in my recent post, No Reason For Concern, no longer appears to be available for free at www.lauramansfield.com. Sure, you could pay her subscription fee, but why?

I was all set to go find it somewhere else but I don't have the time or energy to fuck with it now.

Maybe that's why.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

No Reason For Concern

Here's a link to the most recent tape put out by your favorite neighborhood Islamists - Al Qaeda!

The video is long... but it's worth the listen. It starts with Ayman al-Zawahiri blathering on in Arabic w/English sub-titles. It gets interesting when he turns it over to his American buddy, Adam Gadahn, better known as "Azzam the American". He's apparently starred in some previous Al Qaeda features.

Don't be daunted as he starts off with a prayer in Arabic. Once he concludes the prayer, he actually delivers an interesting, intelligent and well-thought-out explanation of why we should all join Islam.

It's easy to dismiss this plea as the ravings of a fanatical fundamentalist. To be certain, it is much more. It is at once a classic piece of war-time propoganda, and at the same time a clear example, provided in English, of why Americans should not limit our concern to Islamist terrorism and terrorist attacks but should perhaps be more concerned about the belief system that drives Islamic thought and Islamist terrorism in the first place.

Are you done listening yet? Did you listen to the whole thing? If so, now go on to read my own ravings.

I suspect many American Muslims would cry out that this man does not represent their beliefs. I believe, however, that most Muslims would be hard-pressed to disagree with Gadahn's point of view. I have yet to have a serious conversation with a Muslim that didn't in some way refer to the superiority of Islam and which didn't include their unwavering certainty that Islam represents the only valid way to live life. And while they may or may not feel compelled to destroy me as an infidel, I'm a firm believer they have been every bit as concerned that I think and believe as they do, as this is a fundamental tenent of Islam.

Of course, one might make the same comment about fundamentalist Cristianity. While I personally find it to be distasteful, I am not threatened by it. Sure... plenty of Christians are worried about my etneral soul and it's place in Heaven or Hell. Yet, these people - even in their passive or active attempts to bring me to their version of the Light - do not appear to believe it is part of their charter to destroy me in this life. Rather, they are content in their certainty (arrogant to be sure) that they will reap the rewards of Heaven, even as I travel down a sure road to eternal misery.

Nor do Christians (for the most part) believe that the laws of the State should be dictated by the laws of their religion. I accept, as every American must, that our laws are guided by Judeo-Christian principals. But we also have embedded into our psyche a firm belief that our religous laws and our civil laws should remain seperate.

In his talk Gadahn makes it clear that Islam ignores this separation. Islam does not make national distinctions, and it is for this reason that all people who consider themselves to be "American" or "Canadian" or "British" or any other nationality should be concerned. There is a growing number of people in the world who believe these national identities are meaningless; that there is only one identity; that there is only one way to live.

In short, the fundamentalist interpretation of Islam presents a full-frontal attack on the most basic idea of our civilization, namely that we are American first, and everything else second.

It would be fine if this interpretation were limited to a small subset of the whole, but I don't believe this to be the case. The range of difference between "middle of the road" Islam and fundamentalist Islam is very small. This perspective is the basis of my concern. I fear Americans in particular, and westerners in general will be dismissive of the vocal, demonstrative few without realizing how similar they may be, in spirit, to the quiet many. We should not be mislead to think they will not wish to be heard soon.

When they do speak out, we will have difficult choices to make. There will come a time when Americans will be forced to make decisions which go to the very core of our national identity, for we are a nation of individuals from various cultures, religions and ethnicities. Our diversity is the very fabric of our American soul and is the core of our strength.

It was not always so. I'm certain our founding fathers weren't so different from each other and probably weren't so different from the country they revolted against.

But we have become a nation which is defined by diversity. Without it, we have no basis of existence. We are a nation that defines itself in terms of secular laws which bind together people as different from one another as night and day.

We must ask ourselves the question that may have no good answer. How will we defend ourselves without losing our national identity in the process? I don't pretend to know the answer, but I'm certain it won't be pretty. I find myself fighting notions which harken to the very insanity that killed so many of "my people" in Nazi Germany. Of course this is madness. If we Americans ever participate in such a campaign we will have lost any right to continue as Americans. On the otherhand, if we don't figure out a solution we may well find ourselves surrounded by a world of people who are content to help us on our way to our eternal misery.