THE BIGGEST DICKHEAD ON THE PLANET!

Right now...

At this very moment...

I'm sitting next to the BIGGEST DICKHEAD ON THE PLANET!

Perhaps I'd better explain. I frequent a little cafe positioned just outside "Somwhere Near Westlake" I tend to sit at the bar (It's a food bar) because you can almost always get quick seating that way. I've been coming here for years.

Generally speaking, I find that people who sit at the bar are more apt to be friendly than are people who sit at a booth, or at a table. The atmosphere of the bar fairly well cries out, "Hi there Friend!"

Many times, one person sitting at the bar will notice another person sitting at the bar and strike up a conversation. Other times, one might notice another's recently consumed newspaper sitting on the stool beside them.

In such a case, one might casually ask that person, "Excuse me sir, but have you completed your perusal of that dishevled stack of newspaper there on the stool next you?" Almost invariably, the person who "owns" the newspaper will enthusiastically motion to the guy next to him and say something like, "Oh go ahead! I've read it already.... Crappy Austin Paper!"

You can imagine the surprise I felt this morning when I went through this very routine only to find myself rudely rebuffed by the BIGGEST DICKHEAD ON THE PLANET!

"Excuse me sir... but are you finished reading these sections?", I asked good-naturedly.

He replied tersely, "Yes. I am finished reading them." Naturally, I started to reach for the paper when he added, "And I'm going to keep on reading them."

I was like, "Well by all means sir, you do just that!"

I then got change for a buck, and went out and bought 2 papers. I came back in, dropped one of them on the stool on top of his paper and said, "There you go... an extra one... just in case..."